My Ugly Truth (Author Interview)




The Ugly Truth looks like a very emotional memoir.  Can you tell us a little about your journey?

At the age of eighteen I found myself in my first, “real” co-dependent relationship with my first husband and father of my two eldest children. My old habits I must have learned back in childhood, quickly arose while I stayed in a very unhealthy relationship. It became my new normal. Pleasing others and not living this relationship was my new normal. I wasn’t wise enough until three marriages and being abused in all forms. I had an addiction to the pain! I was so dependent on someone to emotional nurture me that I allowed abuse to happen for fifteen long years of my life. My father died and my life fell apart when I was 25 years old! I had low self-esteem, poor boundaries, a need to save others, self-denial, perfectionism, and control issues. I literally had to fall on my face to realize I needed to wake up. I began to help myself by seeking therapy and working on me. I became my best advocate. When I began writing the book in 2010 it was hard to realize what I was doing to myself and I made a priority that I would help anyone and everyone who needed to see how to get the fuck out of a poor relationship safely. I had spent thousands and continue to spend thousands of dollars dealing with the PTSD of abuse. I knew the average person would never be able to afford what I put into working on myself and I was compelled to share with others from a survivor’s point of view what to do in order to get out of an ugly relationship. Writing this book healed a lot of wounded parts I was afraid to look at and forgive. By showing my wounds to others I wanted them to be ok to heal themselves and make a better life so they would not continue the vicious cycle of abuse. If someone would have asked me 21 years ago what I would be doing, this is definitely something I would not have stated. My journey wasn’t easy but, at the end of the day I am happy, I am alive, and my children are well. I would not one to change anything about me.
           
What are you hoping readers will come away with after reading your book?

Tools and techniques to love themselves and know what self-worth is about. To really love themselves and know they are not alone and that they can do it but, need to provide some self-awareness and work behind their psyche.

What inspired you to write The Ugly Truth?   

My daughter and boys. I wanted them to know what was not ok. To really know self-worth and to really love their selves. If you don’t love yourself how could you really know what love is. Love is just a definition and there are so many of those definitions. It’s really just an energy and if you only know the worst kind of energy only those narcissistic behaviors of others will show up on your doorsteps. To be quite honest I was tired of picking up books or talking with therapist who had never experienced abuse. How can you tell someone what they think they should do if they never experienced? I have helped hundreds of women get out safely and provided them with their own roadmap of happiness. Everything is a choice and I wanted my readers to know they had a choice.

Did anything stick out as particularly challenging when writing The Ugly Truth?

Seeing how I allowed myself to mistreat the beautiful person I am and to allow myself to be brainwashed and lied to made me upset when I wrote this book. A lot of self forgiveness had to take place. To also recognize I was hurting my children as well as my family.

What do you like to do when not writing?
Cooking, traveling, and being near a body of water. Anytime I can be around my two best friends who make me laugh I would take that any day of the week. A good hearty laugh is what everyone needs in life. We should not take life so seriously for we never know when we will go. My dad was super young when he died and when he died a piece of me was broken. He taught me to never give up my faith. Even though my faith was messed with when I was abused by the priest through a lot of therapy I know this is not what God intended. My faith for the Lord is between me and his spirit and no man nor woman will ever change that. I really enjoy sitting in front of the open host and being with the Spirit. I would say food, family, faith, laughter, and the water are my top five things I do when I am not writing. My kids are my world and seeing them evolve into these amazing creatures fascinates me every day.

Where can readers find out more about your work?
They can follow me on facebook at Jillian Edwards Coburn
or Instagram at gigijillian
or on my website at www.jilliancoburn.com

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