https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0D4P3TCXZ/
What inspired you to write Mommy, Am I Ugly?
I wrote this book because I see daily how being rejected because of our looks negatively impacts us as children, teens, and even adults. As a public educator, a mother, and a person who dealt with this type of pain, I know these wounds go deep and impact our self-worth.
Can you share a personal experience that influenced the themes in your book?
As a little girl, I felt the sting of people’s comments about the size of my nose and the shape and size of my legs. It made me conscientious and ashamed of my physical features. As a teen, I wished I could afford plastic surgery to make myself more socially acceptable. It wasn’t until I became pregnant with my first child that it occurred to me that she may inherit that same nose. How would my daughter have confidence in who she is if I didn’t first? This was only confirmed when I realized my features connected me to those who came before me. Moving to the South where people often identified family by their physical commonalities helped me to see this. I look like a Rivers. I look like my people.
How did you decide on the title of the book?
Deciding the title of this book was easy. I picked a question that my children have asked me in some form or fashion, a question that I was too ashamed to ask my elders directly. Conversely, it has been hard to keep the book this title. It speaks of vulnerability and the unpleasantness in life that many of us have to face. I try to imagine this being on children’s bookshelves with this title and it is hard, but it also speaks to a place where many of us were wounded and remain unhealed. For this reason, I have not changed the title to something more pleasant sounding.
What do you hope children will learn from reading your book?
First, I hope children learn empathy. I hope they realize that unkind words hurt others, but more than that, I hope they expand their definition of beauty. I hope they learn to appreciate differences in other people as they do in the many creatures in nature. Most importantly, I hope that children can anchor their esteem in the beauty of their heritage and uniqueness rather than society’s often narrow view of physical attractiveness.
What role do you see for adults in addressing the issues raised in your book?
I advise adults to read this book to or with children. It addresses simple yet profound truths that can be missed if an adult is not there to guide children to see them. This is a sensitive topic for which many children hide their pain and shame. Adults have to prepare themselves to hold space for these emotions, not condemn brush over, or bury them. The goal is to give anyone reading this book a healthy and real pathway to escape the trap of low self-worth and esteem that this issue often produces.
How did you approach writing about such a sensitive topic for young readers?
I looked at humanity's fascination with nature. I pondered this for a long time before sharing it with young ladies that I mentored. They were struggling with self-acceptance, and I had to point out that we accept the differences in most species as unique and beautiful, but when it comes to other human beings we often reject differences. I recall chaperoning trips to the zoo and seeing the eyes of children light up with wonder as we visited each animal. I felt that if I could take people back to that place of acceptance and awe, maybe it could transfer to how we see differences in each other.
Were there any challenges you faced while developing the characters or storyline?
I had to choose who would represent this story that belongs to so many people. I had to decide if it would be represented by one ethnicity or not. I chose the silhouette because I think this story belongs to humanity. No people group has been exempted from this rejection or pain. It's my story, my children’s, my students, my co-workers, my church members, and the like. I felt some pressure to make it about one people group, but in the end, I left room for anyone to see themselves in this character.
What feedback have you received from readers so far?
One of my first readers was my teenage son. When he heard the title, he laughed (I expected this from a boy his age), but as he kept reading, his face changed. His comment to me was that this book is not just for children, it is for any age. I have heard this sentiment repeated multiple times. I have had adults tell me they cried after reading it as I did after I finished writing it. It takes people to a vulnerable place, but it engenders healing. People have purchased it for their children and grandchildren because the message doesn’t just build personal esteem but connection and pride in one’s heritage.
Are there any resources you recommend for parents or educators who want to explore the themes of the book further?
I am developing a workbook to accompany “Mommy, Am I Ugly?” because this book takes the reader on three different types of explorations: nature, genealogy, and personal. Nonetheless, a parent or educator can always have children explore their family tree and the unique features and traits the family carries. Teaching children to explore and embrace their ethnic heritage can go a long way in building true esteem. Exposing children to the cultural make-up of others can go a long way in helping other students accept and celebrate the differences in others.
Do you have plans to write more books on similar topics?
I plan on writing two additional books in this series. They are going to address two other sensitive areas that my journey through public schools as a student and a teacher has highlighted for me. My desire is not to just point out the issues, but to continue to bring healing in common childhood injuries that often go unaddressed.